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I Am Grateful for ...

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“Gratitude” by Zuleikha

This beautiful poem, that touched my Soul, was given to me two years ago while in the South of France on a sacred Pilgrimage. It reflects my deepest and most heartfelt gratitude to God/dess in my recovery from stage 3 breast cancer. It was 10 years ago at this sacred location of Rennes Le Chateau in the South of France that I begged for my life and healing (the picture of me in the Grotto). I asked God to heal me and Mary Magdalene to comfort me during my healing process. I have returned a few times to the South of France; it had a profound affect on me while visiting these sacred locations. To return to the Grotto at Rennes Le Chateau and allow others to lovingly hold space as I reflect and impart gratitude for my life is beyond words and expressions.

Gratitude

I walked this hidden path of gratitude
till there was nothing left but light

I walked the hidden path of gratitude
and time was no longer

step by step
I moved into this white blooming garden
of sweetness
hanging from the winter sky

and the moon walked before me
in magic circles of grace

Loving kindness
and Gratitude was her name
and every darkness that came my way
she unfolded the petals of my heart
one by one
till there was nothing left but light

I walked this path
a life-time or more
until I returned
to my own doorstep

and all was new
all was ancient
shining

as it always is
as it always has been
I see it now!

and this will be my prayer:
may the stillness of gratitude
be a silent movement

a precious dance
that brings us back home

in every breath
in every wondrous moment
of this mystery that we call life
what a gift! what a miracle! what a bliss!
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From "Night Prayer" New Zealand Prayerbook

Eternal Spirit, living God,
in whom we live and move and have our being,
all that we are, have been, and shall be is known to you,
to the very secret of our hearts
and all that rises to trouble us.
Living flame burn into us,
cleansing wind, blow through us,
fountain of water, well up within us,
that we may love and praise in deed and in truth.

New Zealand Prayerbook
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A Vision Board for 2017

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I am extraordinary
I am open
I am dazzling
I am cozy
I am fulfilled
I am pure
I am peaceful
I am divine
I am thriving
I am cool
I am courageous
I am nourished
I am precious
I am enlivened
I am trusting
I am bright
I am bright-eyed
I am grateful
I am great
I am refreshed
I am loved
I am peachy
I am youthful
I am blessed
I am sweet
I am inspired
I am whole
I am rejuvenated
I am energized
I am grace
I am grounded
I am healthy
I am transparent
I am complete
I am adventurous
I am transformed
I am innocent
I am elated
I am warm-hearted
I am worthy
I am renewed

An Invitation to Walk

An Invitation to Walk – October 1st 2016

Imagine just for a moment. Imagine people from many faith traditions standing and walking together in solidarity celebrating our common humanity and desire for peace while respecting religious variations and differences. Imagine that peace could be found in unity, not uniformity. Imagine that religious inclusion, understanding and dialogue could spring from the steps of those willing to walk, demonstrating that peace across all faith traditions is possible. Yes! Imagine that we could come together, for one day, to demonstrate what is possible. Our world is in desperate need of the hope, faith and love required to unite faith traditions on the holy ground of our common spirituality. For it is only here that we may come to see the face of God, beyond differences, in everyone. Let’s make our interfaith message visible by joining our footsteps in unison, walking in solidarity and linking our hearts in unity to become a living symbol of peace in the world.

It is time.

Rev. Stephanie Rutt
Community Organizer for the Interfaith Peace Walk sponsored by the Souhegan Valley Interfaith Council

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Flyer Download


Integrity

Integrity

Living with integrity means:

  • Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships.
  • Asking for what you want and need from others.
  • Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension.
  • Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values.
  • Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.

Barbara De Angelis

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Prayer for Protection

From http://www.unity.org/resources/articles/prayer-protection

The light of God surrounds us;
The love of God enfolds us;
The power of God protects us;
The presence of God watches over us;
Wherever we are, God is!

The "Prayer for Protection" is known the world over, and Unity is often asked how it came into existence. James Dillet Freeman explained once in his Unity Magazine column, Life Is a Wonder:

Let me tell you how I wrote Unity's "Prayer for Protection."

When World War II was raging in Europe, we received many letters and phone calls from people caught in the conflict, but for a long time we did not have a prayer for protection that we were all satisfied with. This is how one came.

Silent Unity has always written a special Christmas Prayer Service just for Silent Unity workers. And in 1940 I was asked to prepare this service. We had never before needed a prayer for protection, but in 1940 we needed one, so I wrote one to go with the Christmas service. What I wrote was a little four-line verse:

"The light of Christ directs me; The love of Christ enfolds me; The power of Christ protects me; The presence of Christ upholds me."

I had hardly finished this Christmas service before Silent Unity came to me again and asked me to write a protection pamphlet that we could send to people, so I did. It was called His Protecting Spirit.

They told me they wanted affirmative prayers for protection on the back page. Among these was the verse from the 23rd Psalm: "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me" (Ps. 23:4 KJV).

One of the young women who worked in Silent Unity was reading my manuscript as I wrote it, and as she finished it, she came up to me and said: "Jim, if I were a woman in England and they were dropping bombs on my roof, or if I were a soldier and someone was pointing a loaded gun at me, I wouldn't want to feel like I was walking through the valley of the shadow of death. Can't you do better than that?"

I thought, You want me to do better than the 23rd Psalm? You have to be out of your mind. But rolling around in the back of my mind was the little verse I had written as a prayer for protection at Christmas. I had written it just for Silent Unity, but now it came rolling up to the front of my mind and demanded that I pay attention to it. It enticed me to see what I could make of it. First I took the rhymes from it. I felt it would be more universally received if it was not a rhyme. Then I changed Christ to God. It had been Christ because it was a Christmas prayer, but I felt if we were going to send it around the world, God might be more acceptable to more people. So the little prayer became:

"The light of God surrounds me, The love of God enfolds me, The power of God protects me, The presence of God watches over me."

That is the way we first printed it. Then a line came to me that I felt would make the prayer even more powerful. The line was:

"Wherever I am, God is."

I added it as the fifth line. The "Prayer for Protection" first appeared as a four-lined prayer in 1941, but when we reprinted it in 1943, it appeared in the form it has had ever since.

"The light of God surrounds me; The love of God enfolds me; The power of God protects me; The presence of God watches over me. Wherever I am, God is!"

The "Prayer for Protection" came through change after change, not at all like "I Am There," when I felt that God spoke those words to me. But what is the word of God? It is possible that no prayer Unity has ever printed has reached so many people as the "Prayer for Protection," for not only has Unity printed it over and over, but almost every Unity church uses it to conclude its services. Like "I Am There," it was carried to the moon. On the very first flight to the moon, on Apollo 11, astronaut Col. James Aldrin carried Unity's "Prayer for Protection" with him. He did not know me or Unity.

It has appeared in hundreds of different publications that have no connection with Unity, and millions of people have carried it around on cards that fit into their pocketbooks, pockets, and billfolds. It has been translated into many languages. Sometimes it appears with me as the author. Often no author is given. Sometimes other people are named as the author.

It has been changed and changed again before it reached the form that it now has that best meets people's needs. This prayer is the product of much thought and concentration and of a mind that was willing to stay open to receive divine inspiration.

I think Unity's "Prayer for Protection" is as much God's word as "I Am There" is. Sometimes God speaks to us when we don't even know it is God. I think God has many ways of speaking to us and not only in words that we hear with our ears. I think God speaks to our hearts and minds, and sometimes God's message has nothing to do with words. God is love and intelligence and life. More than anything we say God is, or even imagine God is, God is the one universal Presence and Power and is seeking to express Truth and beauty and good through all of us and for all of us.
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A Woman On Purpose is a Mother

A Woman On Purpose is a Mother.

She is a carer, a nuturer, a protector of Love.
She is a warrior, a worrier, devoted.
She will soothe you and heal you and hug you better.
Never desert you or leave you alone.
She is constantly working to make your world heavenly and won't stop until she knows that she has done all she can.
She can be soft and yet her strength is gargantuan if the children or helpless are threatened.
She feeds the soul of the earth through her tears of empathy.
She sows her kindness wherever she goes for she is a Mother, that is all she knows.

She plants the garden of love, never ending.
She feeds the heart of the world with her calm.
She sees the golden core of the souls of the earth.
She calms the angriest child.
She feels the pain and the suffering completely and does all that she can to contain,
The war and the hunger and anguish
of all of those in need of her and the help of the world.

Her heart aches with the knowledge that there must be a better way.
She looks into the eyes of unkindness and wills that they will see
The beauty that she knows is abundant
To her and to you and to me.

We may not acknowledge her wisdom all the time
We may not acknowledge her pain everyday
We may not give her the bounty of acknowledgement of this pure love.
Enough to truly sustain
But she carries on loving regardless
She carries on giving, no gain
And for that we acknowledge our grateful abundance
of Mothers On Earth, we remain
Dutifully thankful and yours.

To all of you Women On Purpose
Who care for us all everyday
Be sure to remember, you're worthy
You are treasured
You are loved
It is your Day, It is your Time, You are enough and you always have been x

Much love on this Mother's Day to all of you.

Please Like A Woman on Purpose, Comment and Share the message if you know a Goddess who is a Mother - We need to work together to make this world a better place.
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The Pessimist, the Optimist and the Realist

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The Pessimist complains about the wind;

The Optimist expects it to change;

The Realist adjusts the sails.

Jim Rohn: The Seasons of Life

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Jim Rohn explains the parallels between life and the changing seasons. To realize that the seasons will change without fail and what we can do to utilize each season to get the greatest rewards. This book is based on the parable of the sower and the reaper. What to do in one season to ensure success in another season. It's great for those who are going through difficult times personally or financially, because it helps them see that this "winter" in their life will eventually give way to "spring."

Topics Include:

  • The Cycles and Seasons of Life
  • The Effect of Environment on Circumstance
  • The Value of Attitudes
  • The Constant, Predictable Patter of Change
  • The Spring
  • The Summer
  • The Fall
  • The Winter
  • Defeat -The Best Beginning

Amazon Link: The Seasons of Life

Top 5 Regrets People Have on their Deathbed

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From Erica Sofrina at http://www.care2.com/greenliving/top-5-regrets-people-have-on-their-deathbed.html

Top 5 Regrets People Have on their Deathbed

I have always felt that if people could somehow be reminded of their death every day, they might live their lives quite differently. I don’t mean this in a morose way, but death is inevitable and yet something we often don’t think about.

I have always had a strange fear of having regret at the end of my life — regret from things I did as well as didn’t do. That is why I was fascinated to find this book by Bronnie Ware, entitled the Top 5 Regrets of the Dying. Bonnie Ware worked in palliative care as a hospice nurse — which generally entails working with patients who have gone home to die. She spends the last three to twelve weeks with people at this most vulnerable time.

When she questioned them about any regrets they might have had or anything they would do differently, she found common themes, which I found quite fascinating.

The most common of all was:

1. I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the one others expected of me.

Most had not honored even half of their dreams. She found that they went to their death realizing that this was a choice they had made, and they deeply regretted having never really lived their dreams, or even part of them. As Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw said, “most people go their graves with their music still in them.”

2. I wish that I hadn’t worked so hard.

This came from many male patients she had nursed. They regretted missing their children growing up and the companionship of their spouse or partner. She primarily worked with elderly men because this generation didn’t have as many women who were breadwinners. All of the men deeply regretted spending so much time “on the treadmill” of work and giving in to the drive to get ahead. As I suspected, no one ever said on their death bed, “I only wish I had worked harder.”

3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.

Many had repressed their own feelings to keep the peace, either with a spouse or family members. As a result, they settled for a mediocre life and didn’t realize their own potential. She said many had developed illnesses related to carrying the resentment and bitterness for so many years.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

They would realize, too late, the importance of close friendships and in the last stages of life didn’t have the time to track them down to tell them how sorry they were. They were caught up in their own lives and let important friendships slip and realized too late how deeply they regretted this. She observed that love and relationships was ultimately the only thing that mattered to all of her patients in the end.

5. I wish I had let myself be happier.

She said this was surprisingly common and that many did not realize that happiness is a choice they could have made all along. Because of their fear of change, they pretended to themselves and others that they were content. Deep inside they longed to really belly laugh and be silly and not care what others thought. On their deathbed, what others thought was not important.

Wisdom is taking what others have learned from the trenches and integrating it into our own lives. I think the most powerful lesson I gleaned from this is that we have a choice. We may want to believe we are victims, but in the end we are only fooling ourselves. We can consciously choose happiness, to be a better friend, to spend more time with loved ones and to work less. Choosing these things is not easy. It might mean forgoing a raise or a promotion at work, but in the end, I don’t believe she reported anyone saying I just wish that I worked more and spent less time with loved ones.

We may not be able to choose the circumstances that lead to our physical death, but the choices we make during the course of our lives will inform the degree of psychological peace we experience at this final juncture.

Bronnie Ware has released a full-length book, which is a memoir of her own life and how she was transformed when she worked as a hospice nurse.

The book is available from her website and major online bookstores and is called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing.

Erica Sofrina is a motivational speaker, teacher and author and Life Coach.

Lovers of Music & Poetry


Poetry, Music, Art and Kindred Spirits

What an enchanting evening we had in La Porte, Indiana; while listening to Laura Hernandez reciting her new poems from her latest book “The Circle of Kindred Spirits.”

Her poetry was not only read, but with her impressive creative mind, she sang the words to the poems, while strumming her fingers through the guitar.

Laura’s amazing artwork was displayed on each table that her guests were sitting at.

Her poems are so universal, that they touch our lives in every imaginable way. From Laura’s love of family, to the respect of mother earth and how we all are connected, was eloquently captured in this incredible book.

I was having my own synchronistic moment while sitting at the table, where she had displayed a picture, which was featured in her book on page 79 entitled “All Are One”.

As an Ordained Interfaith Minister, that is how I feel and approach my ministry. We all are one and to demonstrate that with love and compassion is a marvelous foundation for Oneness.

I recommend this book to anyone who enjoys life, art, music and poetry.

~ PEACE ~

Laura Hernandez contact information can be located at the following:
Website: www.lhernandezpoetry.com, www.lauraspaintbrush.com, www.laurahernandezmyers.com

Phone: 219-380-8048
Email: lauraspaintbrush@yahoo.com


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Lily Pays Tribute to Remembrance Apron

A Very Special Remembrance Item

Reverend Rhonda’s husband, Mike contributed the following story.

I grew up as the youngest of three kids and got a fair share of hand-me-down clothes in my early years. Dad was an electrical engineer and mom worked in the medical profession, so hand-me-downs were more of a practicality, rather than a financial necessity. There was never any concern about the clothing since it was typically jeans and shirts, which for boys rarely go out of style. Basically, my brother outgrew them and I wore them out.

The Remembrance item in the photo was made by my niece from my father’s wardrobe. As such, hand-me-down doesn’t provide the right connotation. With the thought, meaning and personal touch behind this apron, we move beyond the simple idea of reuse into a memento that brings out memories of particular events. Those memories instantly pan back over decades of fun, gatherings, smells, stories, laughter and entertaining antics among our family.

Dad passed away on Father’s Day, 2007, after a couple days in the hospital following a severe stroke. He left behind his three kids and his wife, my mom, of 53 years, plus several grandkids. A few years later mom was passing along the remainder of his personal belongings and I received a couple jackets and shirts. Dad and I were close enough in size that I could wear them, but they are hanging or folded out of the way as simple reminders of my dad and the wonderful memories of him over the years.

As mentioned above, dad was an electrical engineer. He retired after nearly 40 years from the Aerospace and Defense industry as a Program Manager. Dad always loved to cook. I remember some fantastic BBQ steak dinners, as well as dozens of Holidays where he cooked for the family, including kids, grandkids, and many more relatives. From delicious turkeys and hams to simple hamburgers and hot dogs, he always put out a great meal. We’ll just keep a multi-year string of beef rib mishaps quietly to ourselves, while acknowledging that he eventually got that under control and it became another dish we could all look forward to.

My niece is a costume designer for the movie industry and has made hundreds of costumes for dozens of movies. The photo is an apron she made for Reverend Rhonda and me from some of my dad’s final wardrobe. You can see that dad tended toward Hawaiian prints in his retirement years. This is certainly appropriate for the Southern California location where he lived and retired.

This gift was very touching and very appropriate. I’ve followed in dad’s footsteps as an engineer and I love to cook, as well. Having this lovingly crafted gift of my father’s clothing from my niece always evokes pleasant memories. Whether I’m happily sautéing a pan of onions and garlic or absent-mindedly incinerating a rack of ribs on the BBQ, I always feel closer to dad when I’m wearing this apron.

A Woman On Purpose Inspires!

Did you see where she came from?
She came from the dust
She came to bring peace
She came to bring trust

To all of the people
In all the lands
That divide by a thought
That divide by a strand

The dust that she came from
The dust from the stars
Is the dust that's inside you
That dust from afar

Drifting from ether
Between you and me
So small that our differences
Are so hard to see

She sprinkles hope in their hearts
She filters it through
The cracks that appear
When the fear starts to brew

She smothers the fires
That burn in the minds
Of those discouraged
Of those seeking to find

Happiness, comfort,
Safety and health
She spreads words of kindness
She spreads words of wealth

For all of the creatures
That live on this land
Divided by nothing
Except an invisible strand

She inspires those to work
Independently, free
And encourages those
Who are yet to see

The abundance of love
That is waiting to find
When we work together
To make more peaceful times

When her work is over
When her love has been sowed
When her inspiration given
When her message has grown

When she sees that the people
Have united and stand
For peace, love and hope
For the future she planned

Then return to the ether
She will not be afraid
To let others take over
To let others make way

For she knows where she came from
And return she must
From the stars and the sand dunes
She will return to dust

Alexandra Gold - Author of 'A Woman On Purpose'

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I carry this message forward in my Cancer Care Ministry work.

"What Cancer Cannot Do"

It cannot ...
Invade the soul
Suppress memories
Kill friendship
Destroy peace
Conquer the spirit
Shatter hope
Cripple love
Corrode faith
Steal eternal life
SILENCE COURAGE

In Grace and Gratitude,
Rev. Rhonda Schienle.

Hoosier Hugs

By Wanda Lou Willis

I write articles for an Indiana magazine called "Country Roads". This was one of the articles published in that magazine.

I’m taking a departure from my normal folklore/history articles to share with you the power of hugging.

Hugs can convey more than words; comfort, caring, kindness, love, and can lift your spirits. Studies have proven that hugs can lower our blood pressure and heart rate and reduce stress.

I sign all my communications with “Hoosier Hugs” and admit to freely giving physical hugs. I always hope those who receive my hugs walk away with a smile on their faces and in their hearts.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I went through a battery of questions and tests. At this time, a heart anomaly showed up. A heart specialist checked this out and pronounced my heart was fine. Before he left I gave him one of my “Hoosier Hugs.”

When the tech came back in she said, “When I met the doctor he had a big smile on his face. The first thing he said was, ‘She hugged me.’”

My Oncologist, Dr. Bhatia, and his staff at Community Regional Cancer Care, knows the value and importance of hugs. Each and every patient receives warm sincere hugs. This goes a long way in easing the patient’s anxieties.

Recently while shopping I was surprised when a smiling young girl gave me a warm hug. Her mother apologized explaining her daughter was mentally challenged. She had been trying to teach her that not everyone wants to be hugged. This child’s hugs demonstrate pure innocent love from the heart. Before we parted, I gave them both “Hoosier Hugs.”

Often when we feel lonely, stressed, sad, or fearful we turn to comfort food, a drink at the bar, or tuning out in front of the TV. The best thing that we can do for our mental and physical health to alleviate these feelings is to give and receive hugs. A hug provides comfort and connection like nothing else.

Today we all seem to be on that fast treadmill. We don’t take time to give those small gestures that can make a powerful impact on ourselves and those around us. A warm hug can do wonders.

We all want our personal space. However, we need the reassurance that we’re connected and not alone. Taking a moment to give a hug may make a tremendous difference in someone’s life. Imagine the hug you gave was passed on to two or three others, and they in turn passed it on -- A chain reaction that could travel miles and touch millions bringing smiles to their faces.

Hugs convey an unexplainable, mysterious feeling of connection that no other action can. A hug is the basic need and part of ourselves that makes us flourish.

An unknown author wrote, “You can’t wrap love in a box, but you can wrap a person in your arms.”

They say, “An apple a day will keep the doctor away.” I’m sure hugs are just as important. They certainly aid in relieving mental and emotional stress and just plain feel good to give and to receive.

Try it. Give someone a hug today.

I’m sending you “Hoosier Hugs.”


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God didn't give you the strength to get back on your feet so that you could run back to the same thing that knocked you down. So be sure and take a stand.

Tainted Butterfly
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I've learned….

If you will take the time to read these. I promise you'll come away with an enlightened perspective.

I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.

I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned.... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned..... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned..... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

The difference a day makes
by SharonRene Hutchinson

The way you start your day can be the way you experience your whole day. Be sure to remember that each new day is a new way of thinking and being. You can change everything in your world with this one-day, so make those changes for the better starting NOW!
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Embrace Detours —By Anna Pereira


Founder of Circles of Inspiration

Detours in life may lead to discovering places we never knew we loved.
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Our Special Relationships

People come into your life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a GODSEND, and they are.

They are there for a Reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they act up, or out, and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The Prayer you send up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It’s real! But…only for a Season.

LIFETIME RELATIONSHIPS teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people anyway; and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life.

May God hold you in the palm of HIS hand & Angels watch over you.

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A Little About Forgiving —By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.


Presented in "Practical Life Coaching" (formerly "Practical Psychology).

In our progress toward peace of mind and freedom of spirit, one of the most difficult skills to learn and practice is "forgiveness." Many people simply do not understand what forgiveness means.
Nevertheless, forgiveness is essential to psychological health. As long as we are unable to forgive, we keep ourselves chained to the unforgiven. We give old hurts, resentments and anger rent-free space in our minds, shackles on our hearts, and the right to torment us in the small hours of the night.

When you are in a close relationship with another, forgiveness is required quickly and often. You cannot expect to dance closely with a partner and never have your toes stepped on. If you hang on to the pain and never forgive the other's misstep, the relationship is emotionally cluttered and diminished. When it is time to forgive, to move on in our lives, but still too hard to do, you may want to try some (or all) of these steps below:

1. Understand that forgiving does not mean giving permission for the hurtful behavior to be repeated. It does not mean saying that what was done was acceptable. Forgiveness is needed for behaviors that were not acceptable and that you should not allow to be repeated.
2. Recognize exactly who is being hurt by your non-forgiveness. Does the other person burn with your anger, feel the knot in your stomach, experience the cycling and recycling of your thoughts as you re-experience the painful events in your mind? Do they stay awake as you rehearse in your mind what you would like to say or do to "punish" them? No! Focusing on revenge is like taking poison and hoping the other person will die.
3. Do not demand to know "why" as a prerequisite to forgiveness. Knowing why the behavior happened is unlikely to lessen the pain, because the painful event came at a time when you did not know why. Occasionally, there are times when knowing why makes forgiveness unnecessary, but those times are rare. Don't count on it. Don't even count on the perpetrator knowing why s/he did it.
4. Make a list of what you need to forgive. What was actually done that caused your pain? Include what you may have done that caused your pain. Do not include what you only felt was done.
5. Acknowledge your part. Were you honest about your hurt or did you hide the fact that the behavior hurt you? Did you seek peace of mind by reassuring the perpetrator that what s/he did was "all right?" If so, then you too have some responsibility. Forgive yourself and you start to move away from being a victim.
6. Make a list of what you gained from the relationship prior to, and because of the painful event. Looking back, you may be focusing only on the negatives (hurts). When we focus our attention only on the negatives, we strengthen the painful memory and it comes alive again in our minds.
7. Write a letter to the person who hurt you (no need to mail it). Acknowledge what you gained from the experience, and express your forgiveness for the hurts. However, allow yourself to express all your feelings fully. Do not focus only on the hurts.
8. Develop a ceremony in which you get rid of your lists and the above letter. The ritual should symbolize the end of the link between you and the painful event now past. You may choose to visualize placing all your resentments on a raft and watching it drift gently away down a river. You may prefer to burn them and scatter the ashes. You may invent some other form of ritualized separation.
9. Visualize the person you are forgiving being blessed by your forgiveness. Keep in mind that forgiveness is for your sake alone, for your own healing, and not for the sake of the perpetrator. Your forgiveness frees you from the behavior that hurt you and diminishes the pain of the memories.
10. Now that you are free from the painful links between the past event(s) and of your memories about them, you feel yourself growing lighter and more joyous. Feel yourself free to move on with your life without that burden of hurt. Do not look back in anger. You cannot change what has happened in your past. Nevertheless, without dragging all your painful memories along with you, you can move into your future free in spirit and with a peaceful mind.

Note: With thanks and gratitude to Martha Creek for sharing her wonderful Newsletters.

Martha Creek

www.marthacreek.com
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7 Secrets of Success


I found the answers in my room

Roof said: Aim high

Fan said: Be cool

Clock said: Every minute is precious

Mirror said: Reflect before you act

Window said: See the world

Calendar said: Be up-to-date

Door said: Push hard to achieve your goals.

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Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view and demand they they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life. Beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend. Even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and bow to none. When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and nothing. For abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision.

Crazy Horse (Tashunekewitko) Oglala

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The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered "Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.

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You are strong when you take your grief and teach it to smile.
You are brave when you overcome your fears and help others to do the same.
You are loving when your pain does not blind you to the pain of others.
You are wise when you know the limits of your wisdom.
You are true when you admit there are times you fool yourself.
You are alive when tomorrow’s hope means more to you than yesterday’s mistake.
- Edzzzy Quotes

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A Creed to Live By

~ by Nancy Sims ~

Don't undermine your worth by comparing
yourself with others.
It is because we are different that each of us is special.
Don't set your goals by what other people
deem important.

Only you know what is best for you.
Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart.
Cling to them as you would your life, for without them
life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through your fingers
by living in the past or for the future.
By living your life one day at a time,
you live all the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect.
It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.
Don't be afraid to encounter risks.

It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love is to give love.
The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly;
and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
Don't dismiss your dreams.

To be without dreams is to be without hope;
to be without hope is to be without purpose.
Don't run through life so fast that you forget
not only where you've been, but also where you're going.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored
each step of the way.